Does a Law on Human Attraction Exist?

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“Opposites attract” is a law of attraction, at least where electromagnetism is concerned. But are there laws about attraction between two people? “In a world that is full of strangers” as a line in a famous song of the 1980’s goes, is there a clear set of rules that allows two people to fall for each other?

Is attraction a matter of chemistry?

Maybe. According to scientists, the attraction between animals of the opposite sex is all about chemicals called pheromones. The effect of pheromones in behavior of insects is the most studied to date.

It has been observed, at least in some experiments, that pheromones are responsible for communication among same species and colony of ants. The horrible odor released by skunks to ward off enemies is said to be a kind of pheromone. Some species of apes rub pheromone-containing urine on the feet of potential mates to attract them.

Some scientists believe that animals (usually the females) such as insects and mammals send out these chemical signals to tell the male of their species that their genes are different from theirs. This gene diversity is important in producing offspring with better chances of survival.

The perfume industry has capitalized on pheromones as a means to increase one’s sexual attractiveness to the opposite sex. Animals such as the whale and the musk deer were hunted down for these chemicals.

Lately, scientists are looking into the existence of human pheromones and its role in mate selection. There are many conflicting views in the realm of biology, chemistry, genetics, and psychology.

Most scientists would assert that these do not exist, or if they do, do not play a role in sexual attraction between a man and a woman. But new researches such as that conducted by Swiss researchers from the University of Bern led by Klaus Wedekind are slowly making these scientists rethink their stand.

Their experiment involved women sniffing the cotton shirts of different men during their ovulation period. It was found out that women prefer the smell of men’s shirts that were genetically different, but also shared similarities with the women’s genes.

This, like in the case of insects and other mammals, was to ensure better and healthier characteristics for their future children. But researchers also cautioned that preference for a male odor is affected by the women’s ovulation period, the food that men eat, perfumes and other scented body products, and the use of contraceptive pills.

Does personality figure in sexual attraction? Yes, but so does your perception of a potential mate’s personality.

According to a research conducted by Klohnen, E.C., & S. Luo in 2003 on interpersonal attraction and personality, a person’s sense of self-security and at least the person’s perception of his/her partner were found to be strong determinants of attraction in hypothetical situations.

What does this tell us? We prefer a certain personality type, which attracts you to a person. But aside from the actual personality of the person, which can only be verified through close interaction through time, it is your perception of your potential partner that attracts you to him/her, whether the person of your affection truly has that kind of personality or not.

This could probably account for a statement commonly heard from men and women on their failed relationships: “I thought he/she was this kind of person.”

So how does attraction figure in relationships?

You have probably heard that attraction is a prelude, or a factor towards a relationship. Most probably, at least in the beginning; but attraction alone cannot make a relationship work. It is that attraction that makes you notice a person from the opposite sex, but once you get to know the person more, attraction is just one consideration. Shared values, dreams, and passions become more significant in long-term relationships.

So should I stop trying to become attractive?

More than trying to become physically attractive, work on all aspects of your health: physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual. Physical attraction is still a precursor. Remember, biology predisposes us to choose the partner with the healthiest genes.

Where your emotions are concerned, just ask this to yourself: would you want to spend time with a person who feels insecure about him/herself? Probably not!

There is wisdom in knowing yourself: who you are, your beliefs, values, and dreams. Don't pretend to be someone you aren't. Fooling another person by making him/her think that you share the same values and beliefs is only going to cause you both disappointments.

When you are healthy in all aspects, attractiveness becomes a consequence and not an end. As mentioned in the Klohnen and Luo’s research, a person’s sense of self-security matters, perhaps even beyond attraction.

But remember: do these things for yourself and not for other people. Only then can you truly harness your attractiveness as a person.



As Always ... Make it a GREAT day!

Self Improvement And Success

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Everything that happens to us happens on purpose. And sometimes, one thing leads to another. Instead of locking yourself up in your cage of fears and crying over past heartaches, embarrassment and failures treat them as your teachers and they will become your tools in both self improvement and success.

Say this to yourself ... better yet, print it out and post it in a place where you will see it throughout your daily routine:

I Never See Failure As Failure But Only As:

- A learning experience!
- The negative feedback I need to change the course of my direction!
- The opportunity to develop my sense of humor!
- The opportunity to practice my technique and improve my performance!
- THE GAME I MUST PLAY TO WIN!

I remember watching Patch Adams. It's a great film that will help you improve yourself. Hunter “Patch” Adams is a medical student who failed to make it through the board exams. After months of suffering in melancholy, depression and suicidal attempts – he decided to seek medical attention and voluntarily admitted himself in a psychiatric ward.

His months of stay in the hospital led him to meeting different kinds of people. He met a catatonic, a mentally retarded person, a schizophrenic and so on. Patch found ways of treating his own ailment and finally realizes he has to get back on track. He woke up one morning realizing that after all the failure and pains he has gone through, he still wants to become a doctor.

He carries with himself a positive attitude that brought him self improvement and success. He didn’t only improved himself, but also the lives of the people around him and the quality of life in general. Did he succeed? Absolutely!

So, when does self improvement become synonymous with success? Where do we start?

*Stop thinking and feeling as if you’re a failure, because you’re not. How can others accept you if you can’t accept yourself?

*When you see gorgeous models on TV, think more of self improvement, not self pity. That isn't reality anyway! Self acceptance is not just about having nice slender legs, or great abs. Concentrate on inner beauty.

*When people feel down and low about themselves, help them move up. Don’t go down with them. They’ll pull you down further and both of you will end up feeling inferior.

*Mistakes are a great way to learn lessons. Don’t feel stupid and doomed forever just because you failed on your attempt to achieve something. There’s always a next time. Make room for self improvement.

*Take things one at a time. Don’t expect a black sheep to be renewed in the snap of a finger. Self improvement is a one day at a time process.

*Self improvement results in inner stability, personality development and SUCCESS. It comes from self confidence, self appreciation, self esteem and hard work.

* Set meaningful and achievable goals. If your goals are too far out of whack you will never reach them! Setting attainable goals is one of the keys to success.

*Little things to us may mean BIG things to other people. Sometimes, we don’t realize that the little things that we do like a pat on the back, saying “hi” or “hello”, greeting someone “good day” or telling Mr. Smith something like “hey, I love your tie!” are simple things that mean so much to other people. When we’re being appreciative about beautiful things around us and other people, we also become beautiful to them.

*When you’re willing to accept change and go through the process of self improvement, it doesn’t mean that everyone else is doing the same thing. The world is filled with people of different values and attitudes. Sometimes, even if you think you and your best friend always like to do the same thing together at the same time, he/she may decline an invitation for self improvement.

You should always remember that there’s no such thing as ‘over night success.’ If it was easy, wouldn't everyone be doing it? It's a wonderful feeling to hold on to the things that you already have in your possession, but realize that those are just some of the things you once wished for. A very nice quote says that “When the student is ready, the teacher will appear.” We are all here to learn our lessons. Our parents, school teachers, friends, colleagues, officemates, neighbors… they are our teachers. When we open our doors for self improvement, we increase our chances on the road of success.

As Always ... Make it a GREAT day!

Building Your Self Esteem; A Starter Guide To Self Improvement

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How do you stay calm, composed and maintain self esteem in a tough environment? Here are some tips you may consider as a starter's guide to self improvement.

Imagine yourself as a dart board. Everything and everyone else around you may become a dart, at one point or another. These darts will destroy your self esteem and pull you down in ways you won't even remember. Don't let them destroy you, or get the best of you. So which darts should you avoid?

Dart #1: A Negative Work Environment
Beware of the "dog eat dog" theory where everyone else is fighting just to get ahead. This is where non-appreciative people usually thrive. No one will appreciate your contributions even if you miss lunch and dinner, and stay up late. Most of the time you get to work too much without getting help from people concerned. Stay out of this, it will ruin your self esteem. Competition is at stake anywhere. Be healthy enough to compete, but in a healthy environment. one of my friends used to say "The best part about banging your head on the wall is how good it feels when you stop!" How true!!

Dart #2: Other People's Behavior
Bulldozers, brown nosers, gossipers, whiners, backstabbers, snipers, people walking wounded, controllers, naggers, complainers, exploders, patronizers, sluffers: all these kinds of people will pose bad vibes for your self esteem, as well as to your self improvement scheme. Stay away from them as mich as possible!

Dart #3: Changing Environment
You can't be a green bug on a brown field. Changes challenge our paradigms. It tests our flexibility, adaptability and alters the way we think. Some changes will make life difficult for a while. They may cause stress, but it will help us find ways to improve our selves. Change will be there forever, we are susceptible to it. It is inevitable and we must be comfortable with its presence.

Dart #4: Past Experience
It's okay to cry and say "ouch!" when we experience pain. But don't let pain transform itself into fear. It might grab you by the tail and swing you around. Treat each failure and mistake as a lesson.

Dart #5: Negative World View
Look at what you're looking at. In other words, don't wrap yourself up with all the negativities of the world. In building self esteem, we must learn how to make the best out of the worst situations.

Dart #6: Determination Theory
Your behavioral traits are said to be a mixed end product of your inherited traits (genetics), your upbringing (psychic), and your environmental surroundings such as your spouse, your company, the economy, and your circle of friends. You have your own identity. If your father is a failure, it doesn't mean you have to be a failure too. Learn from other people's experiences, so you'll never have to encounter the same mistakes.

Sometimes, you will wonder if some people are born leaders or positive thinkers. NO. Being positive, and staying positive is a choice. Building self esteem and drawing lines for self improvement is a choice, not a rule or a talent. God wouldn't come down from heaven and tell you "George, you may now have the permission to build self esteem and improve your self."

In life, its hard to stay tough. Especially when things and people around you keep pulling you down. When we get to the battle field, we should choose the right weapons to bring and armor to use. We need to pick those that are bullet proof. Life's options give us an array of additional options. Along the battle, we will get hit, kicked, and bruised. Wearing a bullet proof armor (ideally) means "self change" or "self improvement." This is the kind of change which only comes from within ourselves, voluntarily. Armor, or Self Change, changes 3 things: our attitude, our behavior and our way of thinking.

Building self esteem will eventually lead to self improvement if we start to become responsible for who we are, what we have and what we do. Its like a flame that should gradually spread like a brush fire from inside and out. When we develop self esteem, we take control of our mission, values and discipline. Self esteem brings about self improvement, true assessment, and determination.

So how do you start erecting up the building blocks of self esteem? Be positive. Be contented and happy. Be appreciative. Never miss an opportunity to pay a compliment. A positive way of living will help you build self esteem. This is your start to self improvement.

As Always ... Make it a GREAT day!